Yesterday I was watching a demo of the reporting module for a new system we are … Read the rest →]]> Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…
–john lennon

Yesterday I was watching a demo of the reporting module for a new system we are considering at work. The presenter explained that you first have to select the “Genie” from a drop-down list, and after that he lost me.

I asked what a Genie is and he mentioned something about a magic bottle, and at that point my mind began to wander. I started thinking about a television show that ran from 1965 to 1970 called I Dream of Jeannie, in which a two thousand year old genie who lives in a bottle falls in love with her master, Major Tony Nelson.

Every time her master said, “I wish . . . ” Jeannine would cross her arms and blink, and say, “Your wish is my command.” Needless to say, Tony’s ”wishes” were usually made in the heat of the moment and resulted in some really awkward situations.

As I was driving home last night I was listening to Sycamore Row by John Grisham. One of the characters stands to inherit $20 million dollars. Absently, I said out loud, “I wish I had $20 million dollars.”

Later, as I lay soaking in my Jacuzzi bathtub, one of the jets (which were not turned on) began to make an annoying gurgling sound. I then said, “I wish that damned noise would stop.” Suddenly it did, and I laughed. I thought, if I had been granted three wishes today, I would have $20 million dollars and a quiet bathtub. And I wondered what my third wish would be.

This got me thinking about what I would wish for if I were really granted three wishes. I must admit that the list somewhat surprised me. And then I remembered how, when asked every year what she wanted for her birthday and Christmas, my mother would always say, “Nothing, darling. I have everything I need.” When I was young, I couldn’t imagine there would be a time in my life when I would be satisfied with no gifts on my birthday or for Christmas. But then, time does change us.

And so, here’s what I came up with:

Wish Number One:
My first thought was that I’d wish for world peace. But then I thought this was too global a wish and would probably not cover all the necessary bases. It needed to be more specific. So I decided that my first wish would be an end to violence of all kinds.

Wish Number Two:
At first I thought I’d wish for a cure for cancer. But that was too specific. So then I thought I’d wish for an end to suffering. But then I realized that, if we never suffer, how can we truly appreciate the gift of life?

And then I thought about wishing for an end to fear. And again, part of our growth as humans is to learn to overcome our fears. Or, to feel them, but not allow them to stop us from moving forward. An end to fear was too general.

And so my second wish would be to eliminate the fear of death. Even in the face of a life-threatening diagnosis, how much worse is our suffering because we fear it will kill us? If we are not afraid to die, how much better would we truly live?

Wish Number Three:
With one wish left to go, I wondered if it would be alright to wish for something for myself. And as I watched the first episode of Survivor: Cagayan, where one member had to decide between receiving a clue to the hidden immunity idol or an extra bag of rice for the team, I wondered if I would choose myself or my team.

And then I considered my first two wishes and I realized that, anything that affects the masses also affects me. And I knew, my last wish would not be for $20 million dollars (or a quiet bathtub).

Yes, I would love to have enough money to retire from my day job to travel, write, and stare out at the ocean from the deck of my Malibu home. The one I would buy if I had $20 million dollars. But the truth is, I have enough in life. Of everything. I have my health, I have a wonderful family and a beautiful home. And I have enough money to do and have most of the things I want.

And so, my final wish would be for an end to poverty. Because then, everyone in the world would have a roof over their heads and enough food to eat. If I got a fourth wish, maybe then it would be for $20 million dollars.

With an end to violence, fear of dying and poverty, it makes me wonder what the media would have to talk about. Oh wait, there would still be the Kardashians.

What about you? What would you wish for you if could have anything you desire?

My fear of death began as a … Read the rest →]]>

Fear can undo even the best of us. But it can also teach us a lot about ourselves if we are willing to look deeply enough.

My fear of death began as a child. I used to lay awake at night and imagine being buried in the ground forever. And EVER. I guess in my child’s mind I assumed I would be awake, or at least aware, of what was going on, and the thought terrified me beyond measure.

I’ve always believed it God, even went to church and Sunday school as a young girl, but apparently I missed the part about how—when you die—your soul leaves your body and goes to heaven. Or maybe by then my fear was too deep-seated and those discussions were too scary. Or maybe (and this is very possible), because I was just a kid, I wasn’t paying attention.

But my fear led me to a lifetime exploration for something more. From the time I was a teenager I began to read books on various religions, spirituality, pretty much any self-help book I could get my hands on. But nothing quelled that paralyzing fear inside me.

So great was my fear that I could not—would not—have a conversation about death with anyone (at least not without having a full-on panic attack). I wanted, more than anything, to believe that when I die my soul would leave my body and go to heaven, but then that fear of lying in the ground for eternity would rush back up to greet me. And so, when my husband suggested we have our wills done? No way. It was never going to happen.

And then a couple of amazing things happened.  First, in 2008, I read the book A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle. This book was a life changer for me. I read it over and over and eventually bought the book on tape, to which I’ve listened at least a hundred times. The book is filled with so much wisdom, but in terms of living with my fears, the most significant piece of advice was simply learning to acknowledge that there is fear in me.

Yep, I would say over and over, there it is. That fear of death. Eventually, by the simple act of acknowledging it, the fear lessened its grip on me.

I then took things one step further and told my friend and carpool partner, Elizabeth, about my fear.  As it turns out, my girlfriend has NO fear of dying and so we ended up having many discussions about death and what happens afterward.

After a while, I began to talk more openly about death. I told my husband to go ahead and make an appointment to have our wills and living trust done. I even told him what I would like done with my remains when I die (this was HUGE).

It wasn’t a perfect solution because the fear was still there, I just refused to let it have such an important place in my life. After all, if I spend my life being afraid of dying, how is that really living?

What about you? What’s your biggest fear? I love hearing from you. And to prove it, for every comment you leave, you’ll be entered into a drawing. At the end of the month, I will draw a lucky winner who will receive a $10 gift card (your choice, Amazon, Starbucks or iTunes). Winners will be announced in the first post of the following month.

Please tune in next Tuesday for The Gift of Fear: Déjà vu or Reincarnation?, where I’ll talk about how I actually overcame my fear of death.