I fell in … Read the rest →]]> I am reposting this in honor of the first man to lay claim to my heart. Job well done, David. May you rest with Angels. PS I think I love you.

I fell in love for the first time on September 25, 1970. I was nine. And a half. His name was David Cassidy, star of the new hit-show The Partridge Family. Every Friday night for the next four years I tuned in to watch him sing his hit songs. I bought every album and played them until my sisters screamed for mercy.

I saved my allowance to buy the most recent Tiger Beat magazine, and I hung posters of him on the back of my door and kissed him goodnight. Every night. I even hung one on the ceiling above my bed so I could see him first thing every morning and last thing before I turned out the light.

My love for David has been an enduring love. Though he dropped off the radar screen after the show ended in March of 1974, he has remained firmly implanted in my heart. I’ve been in love a few times since David—Donny Osmond was next in line—but nothing can ever replace or even equal that special feeling you get from your first true love.

And then one day, a few years ago, I happened to be talking to the entertainment manager at the Indian Casino I work for. “Ben,” I said, “you should think about getting David Cassidy to perform here.” To my surprise and delight, Ben thought it was a great idea. My heart began to flip-flop at the thought.

Ben called me a few weeks later to share the good news. David Cassidy had been booked. He was coming to my home turf, and I couldn’t wait to get my hands (and hopefully lips) on him.  “I’ll need a front row ticket,” I told Ben. “And a ticket the meet-and-greet.”

I spent the entire week before the show trying on every possible outfit combination. When the big night arrived I left work early, checked into the B&B down the street with two girlfriends, and primped like I was going to the Prom. Over dinner, my friends and I thumbed through the Tiger Beat magazine I’d bought on EBay for $20 to find all the places where David had autographed (courtesy of Ben). We laughed hysterically at the back page:

Finally, the big moment arrived. I took my seat in the front row, dead center, and sucked air in through the narrow opening in my throat. When the lights dimmed and he took the stage, I was no longer a forty-something, happily-married woman. I was a young girl, and I was in love.

David began singing—not sure what song—and I pulled out my cell phone to capture the moment. I knew cameras were forbidden, but hey, I knew the security director so I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get kicked out. David stood on the stage, directly in front of me, and motioned with his finger for me to come to the stage.

My heart raced and my cheeks burned. Crap, he was going to take my phone. And then something I never expected happened. David bent down, leaned over, and kissed me! Full on the lips, he kissed me. The feel of his lips on mine—comingled with the scent of his cologne—was more than I could bear.

I can die now. My life is complete.

It was then that the women rushed the stage. I stayed put with my forearms resting on the stage, claiming my spot, daring the other women with my eyes to even try impinging on my territory. I craned my neck and stared up at him with adoring eyes, and it seemed every song was sung just for me. And then, something else unexpected happened.

David towered over us, wiping the sweat from his brow with a small blue towel, and my friend Janine asked David if she could have the towel. Incredulous, he asked her why she wanted it. “Because my friend here has been in love with you her entire life,” she said. A few minutes later, David dropped it in front of her.

After the show, I slapped my meet-and-greet pass on and stormed the line, managing to position myself second (the Casino’s CEO is always first). I have no idea what I said to him that night, but I do remember our second kiss. I remember that he was charming, and gracious, and he seemed genuinely happy to meet me. I held him close—he held me closer—and smiled for the camera. And then I waved goodbye to the boy man I will always love.

As I tucked my nine-year-old self into the twin bed back at the B&B, I stared up at the ceiling, an enormous smile fixed to my face, and I knew that nothing could ever top this night. My childhood yearning was complete. I never wanted, or needed, to see David Cassidy again. Except maybe in my dreams.

UPDATE:
I’m pleased to say that after the first time I posted this, I was contacted my David’s web mistress and am thrilled to say that my post has been added to David’s website!! You can find it here. 

Rest in peace, David. You will be missed.

When you feel a pain in your head, do you automatically think it’s … Read the rest →]]> “You mean you were diagnosed with something called a brain cloud and didn’t ask for a second opinion?”
Quote from Joe versus the Volcano

When you feel a pain in your head, do you automatically think it’s a brain tumor? When you feel a tingling in your arm, do you jump to the conclusion that you’re having a heart attack? And when you feel some strange new symptom, do you consult Dr. Google and self-diagnose yourself with a rare and incurable disease?

One of my favorite movies of all time is Joe versus the Volcano, starring Tom Hanks, where hypochondriac Joe is diagnosed with an incurable disease (a Brain Cloud). After quitting his dehumanizing job, Joe agrees to sacrifice himself by jumping into a volcano on the island of Waponi Woo in exchange for the chance to “live like a king and die like a man.” Along the way, Joe meets some interesting people and learns how to truly live.

Aside from the fact that this movie is hilarious, I loved it because I can relate to Joe. I, too, am a hypochondriac. Most recently, I diagnosed a muscle strain in my lower right abdomen as a ruptured appendix. Before that, I was convinced my extreme fatigue was Lupus (or some other autoimmune disease).

But I’ve learned that I am not alone. I have a friend whose father-in-law was a Neurologist. Every time he would talk about one of his cases, my friend would become convinced that she too had an incurable brain tumor.

And last year my spiritual advisor became convinced that there was something seriously wrong with his big toe. He showed the toe to his administrative assistant who agreed there was something dreadfully wrong with it. Cancer, they both agreed. Definitely cancer. Later that week he was diagnosed with a hang nail.

What about you? Have you ever self-diagnosed yourself with an incurable disease?

In 2010, CNN reported that the British hotel chain Travelodge did a study and determined that 25% of men take teddy bears on the road with them when they travel for business. Wow, I thought, and … Read the rest →]]>  

In 2010, CNN reported that the British hotel chain Travelodge did a study and determined that 25% of men take teddy bears on the road with them when they travel for business. Wow, I thought, and how many more actually sleep with them every night but are just too embarrassed to travel with one?

When I read the survey, I shared this information with my husband, who promptly asked how that information was obtained. “Did they have the housekeepers search the rooms of their guests??”

“I don’t know, the article didn’t say,” I said. “Why do you ask?”

“I was just wondering if men actually display them on their beds, or if they hide them in their suitcases and only take them out at night?”

I grinned.  This survey information really seemed to upset him. “I don’t know,” I said. “But you might want to take that lock for your suitcase next time.  Just in case, I mean.”

He nodded thoughtfully. And that was the end of the conversation. At least until recently. Earlier this year I informed him that I was going to start my own website, complete with a blog. And like a typical man, he asked “why?” I looked at him with that look that we wives give our husbands when they say stupid stuff like that to us, and calmly explained my ideas and my vision.

And then I thought about how I could use my website to embarrass him and make him pay for asking the “why” question. And then it hit me. I would write an article about the men who travel with their teddy bears, and tell the world that he is one of them! So there it is folks. And its name is BB, which used to stand for Blue Boy, but since my sister re-stuffed him a couple of years back, he has been renamed Buff Body.

I knew there would be repercussions for exposing this information about him because he is an Officer in the Military (God bless our soldiers), and he would never want any of the “guys” to know he sleeps with a snuggly, but I decided it would be worth the risk. Besides, as long as none of his shipmates, as he sometimes calls them, read this blog, his secret will be safe.

And then, being the kind, loving and supportive guy that my husband is, he smiled and said “That’s great honey, but first of all, you know that is a heinous lie, and second, if you dare tell such a grievous lie in your blog, you might just find Timmy missing one of these days.”

*Gasps*

“You wouldn’t!  Not Timmy!” I admit to having more than a few stuffed animals, and Timmy is the most special one.  My mother made him and since she passed away 12 years ago, every time I miss her, I just give him a squeeze and can I feel her love.

Timmy is so well loved that he looks like I’ve had him since I was 8 instead of 28.  But I’m not embarrassed to tell you this because I am, after all, a chick.  And it’s cool for chicks to have stuffed animals. Guys? Not so much.

But I decided I just couldn’t take a chance on anything happening to Timmy, so here it is folks, I made the whole story up (except the part about the actually survey, that part is true).  It was all a cruel lie (but fun, don’t you think?). BB does in fact belong to our daughter. But don’t worry folks, Timmy has been removed to a secure location, just in case.

What do you think about men who sleep with teddy bears? I want to know!

I had a dream recently that I was back in college. Only it wasn’t the college I went to and I was, well, someone I didn’t recognize. You know how dreams are.

In the dream I was unhappy, insecure. I … Read the rest →]]>

I had a dream recently that I was back in college. Only it wasn’t the college I went to and I was, well, someone I didn’t recognize. You know how dreams are.

In the dream I was unhappy, insecure. I was overweight and was not very pretty. I became friends with my roommate, which made me very happy. She introduced me to a guy (a man, really…he was 42) and we started dating. We double dated a lot with my roommate, and one weekend the four of us went out of town together.

I remember sitting in the car while the three of them went into a store. It was raining hard. The guy I was dating came out to the car and I noticed that he seemed upset. When I asked him what was wrong, he said there was something he wanted to buy but didn’t have enough money.

I reached into my wallet and gave him everything I had. I think it was about $40. He went back into the store and several minutes later he, my roommate and her boyfriend came out of the store, hopped into a taxi and drove off, leaving me by myself. They did not return.

I woke up. But that’s not where the story ended.

I remember consciously thinking uh-uh. No way. That’s not how her (my?) story ends. I am going to go back to sleep and give her (me) a happy ending. And so I did.

In the dream that followed I was pissed. Royally pissed. At the guy, my roommate. Life. But mostly, myself. I used my rage as fuel to change my life. I wrote a book, which became a best seller. And I was elected class valedictorian for my graduating class.

As I gave my commencement speech, which was about overcoming obstacles and becoming the people we were meant to be, I remember looking out at the audience and seeing not only my roommate, but the guy who left me in the rain.

I was proud of who I’d become. And grateful for the challenges I’d had to overcome to get to where I was.

And then I woke up. For real this time. And I knew. This was not a dream. This was my story.

I had become the hero in my own journey. In the dream, yes. But also in real life.

My husband once told me that I am the most introspective person he’s ever known. It was the best compliment he could’ve given me (though I’m not certain he meant it as one!). It’s true. I am. I’ve spent my entire adult life working on becoming a better person. Becoming whole. Becoming who I was meant to be.

The only problem was, I had no idea who that person was. And so it took me a while to get there (here).

I had to overcome a lonely childhood, which is strange when you think that I grew up with seven sisters, but it was. I had low self-esteem, gained and lost the same twenty pounds more times than I can count, and had one failed relationship after another (until my mother worked her magic from heaven and sent me my wonderful husband of fifteen years). I went to college and became a CPA (don’t be jealous!), but still never felt smart enough.

Intuitively, I knew that life was not supposed to be like this. That I was not supposed to look at myself and life in general as an obstacle to be overcome or worse, endured. Or to live for that moment in the future, when (fill in the blank) happened, and I could finally be happy. I knew that life was now. This moment. Regardless of my personal circumstances.

I just didn’t know how to get there.

And so I began to read. I read The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. I read Thomas Moore, Joseph Campbell, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Ram Dass, Jon Kabat-Zin, Andrew Weil. And later, Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Brian Weiss, Elizabeth Lesser, Thich Nhat Hahn and many others. I read everything I could get my hands on.

And things got better. I got better. I started to like myself. I took back my power and I stopped caring what others thought about me (part of that was turning 40, then turning 50, at which point you really do stop giving a sh%& about what others think).

But something was still missing. I was happy. I really was. I just wasn’t…fulfilled.

And then, when a serious injury sidelined my (very amateur) endurance athletic career, my body and my mind began to quiet down.

And that’s when life started unfolding. On its own terms, not mine.

I wrote my first novel in 2010. That’s when I discovered my life’s purpose. And my life became filled with a zest for life that I never knew existed. But it wasn’t until a medical crisis struck in March of this year (on my 55^th birthday) that I experienced a profound and permanent shift in how I view not only myself and my life but the world around me. Here are a few of the things I’ve come to realize:

1. Everything in life is energy. You are. The chair you’re sitting on is. In fact, the entire universe is energy. And that energy can heal you. Whatever your problem is, if you tune into the positive energy of the universe, you will be healed. I know because, after suffering for more than forty years with a heart condition that eventually incapacitated me, I was cured. All I had to do was open my heart and let that energy in (which first required me to stop folding my arms so tightly across my chest all the time—keeping the healing energy out and the negative energy in).

2. I learned to think and speak in positive affirmations. When the negative thoughts come (and they do), I stop myself in mid-thought and think or say something positive about the person or situation that was bothering me.For example, I recently finished writing book 2 in my series, The Other Side of the World, and all I could think was, “it’s not as good as book 1…what if readers hate it? Oh God, it’s cr—“ I stopped the thought mid-stream and said (out loud), “I Am an amazing and talented author and people love my books.”

3. You get what you think about, whether you want it or not. I spent forty years living in fear that my heart problems would come back, and the universe never let me down. Instead of saying, “My heart is strong and healthy. All is well,” I said, “Please God, don’t let me have any more heart problems.” It’s something to ponder the next time you’re struck with a negative thought.

We all have our own, unique journey, and none of us is (or ever will be) perfect. Some of us are stuck at dead-ends (been there!), some of us have taken more forks in the road than others (*raises right hand*), but eventually, when we’ve suffered enough, we can find the way out. The path to freedom, a way to claim our joy.

What about you? Have you become the hero in your journey? What paths have you taken to get there? If you’re not quite there yet, what positive steps have you taken toward that path?

I recently listened to an interview with Hay House author John Parkin, the subject of which was called How to Say Fuck It and Do What You Love. I know, I thought it was an awesome title, too.

In the interview, … Read the rest →]]>  

I recently listened to an interview with Hay House author John Parkin, the subject of which was called How to Say Fuck It and Do What You Love. I know, I thought it was an awesome title, too.

In the interview, John talked about his grandparents in England who worked in a Downton Abbey like place. A manor house. His grandfather was the head gardener and his grandmother was the Mrs. Patmore of the kitchen (head cook for the two of you out there who did not watch Downton Abbey).

When John’s father was 16 or 17, he was told, “you can work for the gas company, be a teacher and teach children about helping verbs, or as an accountant.” He chose accounting.

This got me to thinking. About how we have evolved as a people. And how our views about what we can (and should!) expect from life have changed (for the better).

In my father’s (and John’s) generation (also known as the Greatest Generation), a job was for life. And, due to the saturation of the job market when our father’s returned from the war, any old job generally sufficed. Employees (predominantly men) worked hard, collected their pay checks and plodded on with their lives. Loyalty to the company was rewarded with a gold watch and a pension upon retirement. And women took care of the children.

Same is true for most Baby Boomers, but things began to change for late Boomers (like myself) and Gen X-ers. We had (at least some) say about our futures. We chose careers not jobs. Gone was the idea of company loyalty. Now, we hop from one job to another in order to move up the corporate (and financial) ladder. We have 401k plans, but no formal pension plan. And, generally, no gold watch is proffered upon retirement.

Our children are raised by both (or maybe, with the increase in divorce rate and rise of the step-family, I should say all) parents, and most families are dual-income households. We are wealthier, to be sure, but our hopes and dreams (and funds) are now spent on our children. To give them a better life (more on this later) than we had growing up. Not to mention the stuff we never had growing up.

As a result, our children have opportunities that no generation has ever had before.

So let’s talk about this better life I mentioned above.

About a decade ago (maybe longer) I read an article called The Wussification of America. In the article, the author talked about how, at birth, we basically wrap our kids up in bubble wrap and send them into a world where they will never have to feel discomfort or disappointment. It said a lot more than that, but the bottom line was this: we have created a generation of children who are ill prepared for the real world.

At the time, I tended to agree with what the author was saying. I read the memo from my step-daughter’s school telling us that students could no longer distribute birthday party invitations at school because it might hurt someone’s feelings. I watched her receive a trophy for being on a soccer team that finished in, well, something other than first place.

But now, as she prepares to graduate from high school, I have a different perspective.

From a young age, Millennial kids (some call it The Entitlement Generation) have been told that they can be or do anything they want. And as my daughter contemplates her college career, this message has been reinforced.

Though her heart lies in the field of Interior Design, we have no expectation that she will actually graduate with a degree in this field. We have encouraged her to try different things on, see what fits. Find what she loves to do—what she can picture herself doing (and loving) for the rest of her life—and then find a way to make a living at it.

Many people believe that the world has gone to hell in a hand basket. Crime is at an all-time high (especially in my former home town of Chicago), terrorism is rampant, bioterrorism is an ever-present threat. Global warming has become a reality, homelessness and obesity have become epidemics, and depression and anxiety are the new normal.

But there is hope.

Imagine what the world will look like when our young people—kids who have been encouraged to find and follow their bliss, told that they can be or do anything they want—are running this country? Yeah, maybe they do have a warped sense of entitlement, but who are we to tell them that they shouldn’t reach for the stars?

Girls (maybe guys, too) will wear yoga pants and sweatshirts to work with their Uggs or Birkenstocks (depending on the season). Their hair will be piled on top of their heads in a messy bun, and no makeup will adorn their faces. Work places will have juice bars, coffee bars, a yoga studio and a masseuse. Employees will, of course, bring their dogs to work and that’s only IF they decide to actually go to the office because telecommuting will be as commonplace as, well, Starbucks.

In short, they will be happy.

We only get one shot at (this) life. We should all learn to say Fuck It and do what we love! But be sure to have an exit plan in place before you leap.

What about you? If you had it to do all over again, what career would you choose?

all photos via Google Images

An author friend once told me that when you get to 50 reviews on your book, Amazon will start promoting your book to it’s millions of subscribers. Other authors said they didn’t notice a difference once they reached or … Read the rest →]]>

An author friend once told me that when you get to 50 reviews on your book, Amazon will start promoting your book to it’s millions of subscribers. Other authors said they didn’t notice a difference once they reached or surpassed 50 reviews. At the time, I was a newly (self) published author, so I filed this information away for a later day.

For my first published book, The Many Lives of June Crandall, that day has arrived.

For several weeks now, June has been sitting at 49 reviews. Oh, it got to 50, but then suddenly that 50^th review was removed! So I ran a promotion for the book, which usually generates a few reviews.

And it did. I got up to 51 reviews. Woot! Now we’ll see how the power of The Zon really works. Right?

Wrong. With a few days, both of the new reviews were taken down. Again! I was outraged! I’ll bet they would never do this to James Patterson or Nora Roberts!

These were honest reviews from total strangers who received no encouragement or compensation from me for leaving their reviews! They did so out of the kindness of their hearts.

To put it mildly, I was not happy with Amazon. For a millisecond, I considered removing all of my books from Amazon and taking my business elsewhere. But, considering that 99.9% of my book sales come from The Zon, I quickly reconsidered.

So instead, I wrote them a letter asking them nicely why they keep removing the reviews for this book. Here is how the communication went:

ME:

Dear, Amazon. I noticed that every time I get to 50 reviews on my book, The Many Lives of June Crandall, the 50^th review disintegrates into Fairy Dust and once more leaves me with only 49 reviews the review gets removed.

 Is there some secret society you get to join when you have 50 reviews that only traditionally published authors get to join? If so, how much do you want to let me into the club? Would you kindly stop doing this? I fully understand your review policies and can assure you that none of the reviews you removed violated them. And by the way, can I have the FOUR reviews you stole from me back?

Sincerely,

Author Suzanne Whitfield Vince

AMAZON’s RESPONSE:

Hello Suzanne,

Customer Reviews are removed for the following reasons:

• The review violates our Customer Review Creation Guidelines (http://www.amazon.com/review-guidelines).
• A customer can decide to remove their own review.
• The review is on a page that incorrectly links multiple items. We remove these reviews when we separate the items.

To learn more about this policy, please see our Customer Review Creation Guidelines (http://www.amazon.com/review-guidelines).

Best regards,
Yorwin P

So, obviously there IS something to the 50^th review. Maybe once a book gets 50 reviews they have to spend money to help promote my book. And maybe they don’t really care about helping little peons independently published authors whose sales are, well, not enough to retire from the day job on. Yet.

Either way. We all know reviews sell books. And the more the better. They help people like me get ads on sites like Book Bub, who want a minimum of 50 reviews before they will even consider your book for their site (some say the minimum is 100, but I know some authors who got in at 50+).

And so, I am launching full scale war against Amazon a massive campaign to blow right past the 50 review mark. Whaddya say, are you in?

Let’s BLOW past that 50 review mark!!

Here’s how you can help:

Step 1: Download the book, which for a limited time has been reduced to ZERO AMERICAN DOLLARS. To download your FREE copy, just click on the image below.

Note: Free offer also available on Nook, Kobo and iTunes.

Step 2: If you can find it in your heart, please leave an honest review. You can do so by clicking this link. Note: you may need to sign into Amazon.

From the bottom of this author’s pea-picking heart, I salute thank you.

Sincerely,

Author Suzanne Whitfield Vince

The Busyness Syndrome:

Smart phones, laptops, ipods, x-box. Fax machines, federal express, email, texts. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat.

We live in an instant society that brings with it the expectation that we make ourselves available 24 hours a day. To our bosses, … Read the rest →]]>

The Busyness Syndrome:

Smart phones, laptops, ipods, x-box. Fax machines, federal express, email, texts. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat.

We live in an instant society that brings with it the expectation that we make ourselves available 24 hours a day. To our bosses, our spouses, our children, our friends.

Work, commute, board meetings, PTA. Soccer, baseball, cheerleading, tennis. Cook, clean, bills, laundry. As women, we are expected to do it all.

Exhaustion, insomnia, irritability, fatigue. In a word, we are overwhelmed.

The activity never stops. And neither does the noise. Sometimes, even in a quiet room, the noise level can be deafening, just from the thoughts inside your head!

If this sounds like your life, you’re not alone. When the stress in my life began affecting my health, I knew it was time to find some breathing space in the midst of my own crazy life.

Here are 5 ways to add quiet and calm into your hectic life:

(1) Make your work space a spiritual retreat – I’m lucky enough to have my own private office at work, but even if you work in a wide-open space, this will work for you, too. This tabletop fountain provides a peaceful, soothing sound.

In addition, I have managed to keep a bonsai plant alive for nearly eight years (sparse as it is), which is a whimsical reminder of where I’d always rather be…sitting under a tree reading (or writing) a book!

I have artwork that inspires me.

I’ve even hung white sage over my door to ward off negative energy. Now, you might not want to go this far (though, to my credit, I did not burn it, which is what you’re supposed to do), but you get the idea. Your workplace does not need to be devoid of warmth and personality.

To set the mood (not that kind of mood) in my office, I also turn off half of the horrible fluorescent lights in my office.

And there you have it. My private oasis. Without fail, at least once a week, someone will sit down in my office and look around before commenting on how peaceful it feels in there.

(2) Just Breathe – In my last post I talked about yoga breathing, also called Ujjayi breath (pronounced oooh-jie-ee). You don’t have to be a yogi in order to learn this technique. Just click here to see a quick video demonstration.

As you breathe in (slowly, through the nose), focus on your breath. As you breathe out (even more slowly, still through the nose), feel the aliveness (sort of a tingling sensation) in your hands and feet.

Repeat three times. You can do this with your eyes open or closed. You can do it in private or in the middle of a meeting. Just do it. Several times a day. It will help lower your stress threshold.

I set an Outlook reminder for every 30 minutes to take three cleansing breaths. Don’t have Outlook? I’ll bet you have a smart phone!

(3) Take a walk – I’m fortunate enough to work in a stunningly beautiful part of Northern California. When it’s not too hot outside, I take a walk to the golf course and back (which is about 1.5 miles round trip). It’s very serene and quiet and gives me a chance to get some fresh air and clear my head.

You don’t need beautiful surroundings. A parking lot will do. When you’re feeling stressed, and even when you’re not, take 5 minutes each day to get outside and take a walk. Rather than thinking about the project you’re working on, or anything work related, notice the environment around you. Let go of all thoughts and just breathe. And don’t forget to leave your cell phone behind!

(4) Make the most of your free time – Before you double over laughing (or crying) at the concept of free time, let me point out that you actually have more free time than you think!

How many stop lights do you stop at in a single day? How many times do you go to the restroom? These times provide the perfect opportunity to take a breather. Eyes open or closed, take several  deep breaths. I like to think of these as mini meditations.

If you take advantage of these free moments a dozen times a day, imagine how much more relaxed (less stressed) you’ll be when you walk in the door after a long day at the office!

(5) Affirmations – Next to my computer monitor I have a note reminding me to Breathe. In my car, tucked under the visor, I have one reminding me to Surrender (my reminder to let it go when some idiot cuts me off on the freeway). It used to read Slow Down and Breathe, reminding me to stop rushing (because being in a rush always causes me anxiety), but I’ve gotten much better with that so I’ve moved on to a new one.

They’re really more reminders than affirmations, but I do change them out periodically (usually when they no longer to motivate me to perform said function) so they can be whatever is meaningful (at the moment) to you.

What about you? What quick tips do you have for finding a little quiet in your day? I’d love to know!!

Up Next — Color Your World: 5 Ways to Add Color to Your Life

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In the first part of this series, I shared my personal journey with heart palpitations that began forty years ago. I also shared what I believe to be the primary causes of them. If you missed that post, click … Read the rest →]]>

In the first part of this series, I shared my personal journey with heart palpitations that began forty years ago. I also shared what I believe to be the primary causes of them. If you missed that post, click here to read it. Today I’m talking about what works.

And so, without further ado, let’s get started:

(1) Magnesium Taurate – According this article put out by Natural News, an estimated 68 to 80 percent of the United States population is deficient in magnesium, an essential mineral which, among other things is responsible for maintaining a normal heart rhythm.

The article states that the major cause of this widespread deficiency is the result of 1) our growing dependence on processed food and, 2) soil erosion, which has significantly depleted the mineral content of our soil. As a result, many fruits and vegetables that were once rich in magnesium no longer contain it in adequate amounts, resulting in widespread deficiencies.

The good news is that supplementing with magnesium is simple and relatively inexpensive. The question then becomes, what kind of magnesium should I try?

Magnesium taurate is the best choice for people with heart arrhythmias. As you can see from the reviews of this product on Amazon, many people have found complete relief by taking it. And was I to argue with that? I bought myself some immediately.

Warning:
Within a day or two of taking magnesium taurate, my seemingly endless heart palpitations subsided. I was really stoked and thought I’d found my miracle cure. But after a couple of weeks, the palpitations returned with a vengeance.

It occurred to me that since the only change I’d made in my life was the magnesium, perhaps the magnesium itself was causing the palpitations. So I summoned Doctor Google and found this:

Signs of excess magnesium can be very subtle and can occur with long-term use of magnesium supplements and laxatives. The symptoms can be similar to magnesium deficiency and include: changes in mental status, nausea, diarrhea, loss of appetite, muscle weakness, difficulty breathing, extremely low blood pressure, and irregular heartbeat. 

So I backed off the magnesium (I was taking 4-125mg capsules per day) and after a couple of days, my palpitations eased up. They didn’t go away completely, but they did subside significantly.

I will reintroduce the magnesium taurate back into my system because it did offer some relief, but I’ll stick with one capsule.

Before rushing to your doctor to determine if you’re magnesium-deficient, read this article first.

(2) Avoid caffeine and other stimulants – Avoiding caffeine and other stimulants is another quick fix you can make. If you haven’t already sworn off regular coffee, energy drinks, even green tea (yes, it does have caffeine), do so now. It isn’t that hard and the effect on your heart palpitations will likely be profound.

I stopped drinking caffeine when I first started having heart palpitations. I noticed right away that drinking soda would make my heart go crazy. Today there are more beverages that include stimulants than I can count.

And it isn’t always easy to tell which products to avoid. Today manufacturers are using ingredients like taurine, guarana and ginseng. All are stimulants and will cause heart palpitations, especially on an empty stomach.

A word about alcohol:
I used to run a support group for fellow MVPS sufferers, and one thing I heard from a lot of folks was that alcohol often caused heart palpitations. I don’t (usually) have this problem but just something to keep in mind.

(3) Sleep – I cannot emphasize enough how important sleep is for people who suffer from heart palpitations. Good quality, restorative sleep. Unfortunately, if you’re anything like me, a quality night sleep is hard to come by.

Even when I follow all the rules (such as: going to bed at the same time every night, not watching television before bed, not turning on any bright lights before bedtime, etc), I still rarely get a solid night of sleep.

However, what I’ve noticed over the decades I’ve had heart palpitations is that, even after a lousy night’s sleep, I do not get them in the morning (though I might get them during the night).

For me, the earliest the palpitations start is late morning to early afternoon, but the better I’ve slept, the later they start! Sometimes after an especially good night’s sleep, I won’t have them at all.

A word about sleep aids:
I’ve tried several sleeping aids ranging from melatonin to Ambien, and they do help some. Melatonin, a natural hormone made by your body, regulates the natural cycles of sleep and wakefulness. It is available over the counter and works pretty well for me.

Ambien, and other prescription sleep medications, can be useful but come with certain risks and side effects. They should be used with caution.

(4) Exercise – Since fatigue is the most common complaint of MVPS sufferers, exercising can be a challenge. Trust me when I say I understand. Until a decade ago I was a yo-yo exerciser. I exercised haphazardly, at best.

But the thing I noticed was, when I was exercising regularly, I not only felt better physically (not to mention mentally and emotionally), I had fewer heart palpitations.

Here are a few tips to help avoid heart palpitations when exercising:

First, don’t stop suddenly. Take time to cool down and catch your breath. I’ve personally found that if I sit down when I’m still winded, my heart is much more likely to skip.

Time of day makes a difference, too. When I used to exercise during the evening (right after work and before dinner), I would sometimes get palpitations during exercise. I’ve since switched to morning workouts (trust me, this took a while to adjust to as I was not a morning person) and this is no longer an issue. I have never had palpitations during my morning workouts.

If you’re tied to working out in the afternoon or evening and you’re experiencing occasional heart palpitations, try eating half of a protein bar 15-30 minutes before your workout.

As I mentioned in the first part of this article, low blood sugar will frequently cause me heart palpitations if I don’t eat something as soon as I notice myself feeling a little jittery, and always when I exercise while I’m feeling this way. Even walking up a flight of stairs will make my heart bounce like a basketball.

If you still have trouble with heart palpitations during exercise, you may want to try yoga (see number 9 below) as it focuses on the breath which can help lessen palpitations.

(5) Valsalva Maneuver – In addition to heart palpitations, once in a while I’ll have an episode of tachycardia (an abnormally rapid heartbeat). During one of these episodes, the heart gets “stuck” in fast gear.

I discovered the Valsalva maneuver completely by accident in a desperate attempt to get my heart unstuck and beating normally again.

If you ever have an episode of tachycardia, draw in a deep breath, hold it in, and bear down as though you’re trying to take a poop. Bear down as hard as you can.

If it doesn’t work, repeat the move until it does. I just had an episode like this a few days ago. It took me a few attempts before my heart finally returned to a normal rhythm.

(6) Hydration – One of the first thoughts to enter my mind when I start having heart palpitations (right after the “oh sh*!, not again!”) is whether I’ve been drinking enough (non-caffeinated) fluids.

During the week at work, I have I a routine I follow which includes drinking one large container of water (20 ounces) in the morning and another in the afternoon (in addition to whatever I’m drinking at lunch).

On weekends, however, I’m far more likely to get dehydrated. I’m out of my routine and often too busy to think about whether or not I’m drinking enough water. I sometimes wake up in the morning (or during the night) with heart palpitations. When I do, I immediately reach for the bottle of water on my bedside and drink as much as I can. Quite often, the palpitations will subside within a few minutes.

(7) Position – I sometimes get palpitations when I’m in a reclined position. Returning to an upright position will often alleviate the problem. When I’m going through an especially rough period of them, sometimes lying flat on my back (no pillow under my head) for a few minutes during the day helps.

If I get palpitations at night when lying in bed, sometimes lifting my left arm over my head will help calm the heart down (this works when sitting too). And, if lying on a particular side causes them, turn over (or lie on your back).

As I mentioned in the first part of this series, Mitral Valve Prolapse Syndrome = Mitral Valve Prolapse + Dysautonomia. But what is dysautonomia anyway, and what does it have to do with heart palpitations?

During my visit to the Mitral Valve Prolapse Clinic in Birmingham, Alabama, the doctor I saw explained dysautonomia this way:

We know the autonomic nervous system controls, among other things, the heart rate. When a car cuts you off or someone jumps out from the bushes and scares you, your autonomic nervous system sends a surge of adrenaline into your body and increases your heart rate, makes you more alert and capable of dealing with the “crisis” before you.

People with dysautonomia have a “faulty” autonomic nervous system. You can be in bed, or taking a bath, or relaxing on the sofa and your brain receives a false message that you are in distress. In response, it dumps adrenaline into your body when you don’t need it.

People with MVPS have hearts that are very sensitive to electrical activity and this surge of adrenaline is like a shockwave to the heart. Our hearts respond by not only speeding up but skipping beats.

The extra (unneeded) adrenaline also causes panic, which can exacerbate the effect and make the heart palpitations worse. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Medications can sometimes help block the electrical activity (see Bonus Round below), but there are a number of things you can do to help lower the “autonomic threshold,” which essentially means reducing the electrical activity to the heart (which translates into fewer heart palpitations).

I have personally practiced each of the next 4 activities and can attest to their ability to produce the desired results: fewer heart palpitations.

(8) Meditation – There are many forms of meditation. There are guided meditations, silent meditations, meditations using mantras, etc. For years I used a 20 minute guided meditation by Brian Weiss. I still love this meditation, but I started yearning for a silent meditation instead.

A few months ago, I downloaded The Mindfulness Ap ($2.99 for iphone, $1.99 for android), which offers both guided and silent meditations. You can select the length of time for the meditation as well as the intervals at which a soft bell chimes (which serves to drag me away from the thoughts that inevitably creep in and back to my meditation).

But meditation need not be a formal thing. You can meditate anywhere, anytime, for any length of time you have available. Even a few minutes with your eyes closed in a relaxed state will help.

I try to meditate at least once a day, even if it’s only for 5 minutes at a time. I find that quieting my mind helps lower that stress threshold and over time, if practiced regularly, will lessen my palpitations.

There are times during meditation that my mind will not shut down. Random thoughts will pop into my mind. Sometimes the thoughts come in a steady stream. This is completely normal, but unfortunately, causes most people to give up entirely.

To help combat the thoughts, I focus on my breathing…in and out, in and out…sometimes counting the breaths to 10 and then starting over (and always start over if you lose count). Sometimes I focus instead on keeping my eyebrows level…not letting them move up or down with my breath. Sounds funny, but it really helps to keep the thoughts at bay.

When my brain just won’t turn off, I use another app called the Breathing Zone. This app allows you to set the number of breaths per minute you want to start with, the number you want to end with, and the duration. For example, I might want to start at 10 breaths per minute and go down to 6 over a five minute period. A voice (you decide male or female) tells you when to breathe in and out. You can even pick the relaxing background sound (I like Flowing Water).

Regardless of what happens during the few minutes you take to meditate, you’ll always be more relaxed afterward. I try to do some form of quiet breathing throughout the day. I even set an Outlook reminder every 30 minutes to close my eyes and take three deep breaths. You can do this with your eyes closed or open.

(9) Yoga – I just started yoga about two years ago and absolutely love it! It’s a great workout centered around the breath. There are several different types of yoga, so be sure to try different kinds until you find the one that works best for you.

I personally prefer Vinyasa yoga. It’s an athletic, flow-based yoga that focuses on “one-breath, one-movement” using Ujjayi breath (pronounced oooh-jie-ee). This type of breathing is so effective in not only calming me but controlling my heart rate that I use it many times throughout the day.

At the end of a yoga session, I feel strong but also relaxed. You can’t help but leave whatever stress you came in with on the mat. And for any of you guys reading this, yoga is NOT just for women. At least a third of the people in the classes I go to are men!

(10) Biofeedback – Biofeedback works on the conscious mind. It teaches you to control certain body functions, such as heart rate. In biofeedback, you’re connected to electrical sensors that help you receive information (feedback) about your body (bio). This “feedback” helps you focus on making subtle changes in your body, such as relaxing certain muscles.

I first tried biofeedback around 20 years ago. My goal: learn how to relax and quiet my mind (ie lower my autonomic threshold) and thereby lessen the frequency and severity of my heart palpitations.

The therapist attached the electrodes to my shoulders, which was where I carried my stress back then. Relaxing music played in the background, which helped me relax. When I would start to hunch my shoulders, a gentle beeping sound would remind me to relax them.

Nowadays you can buy biofeedback machines and apps to use at home. One I discovered while researching this article is the Heartmath Inner Balance which will help you manage your stress by monitoring your heart and breathing rates and reminding you to focus on positive thoughts. I haven’t used this app and make no claims about its efficacy in managing heart palpitations, but it does look pretty neat.

(11) Neurofeedback – Unlike biofeedback, neurofeedback works on the unconscious mind, which includes the autonomic nervous system. As I mentioned above, the autonomic nervous system controls our heart rate. A faulty autonomic nervous system can send false electrical signals to the heart, causing heart palpitations.

Neurofeedback is like a workout for the brain. It receives and translates information from the brain (using small electrodes clipped to your ear and your head) and provides “feedback” to help train the brain and eliminate inefficiencies.

Here’s how it works. The electrodes are placed on your ears and scalp (four altogether). They are then fed into the software which interprets the brain activity. While you listen to soothing music, the brain sends signals (via the one-way electrodes) to the software.

When the software identifies an inefficiency (in the brain), it “interrupts” the music. You hear a slight skip (akin to a skip on an old record album when it hit a piece of dust, for example). Your brain uses that “feedback” to train itself to become more efficient.

At the time of writing this article, I’ve had 9 sessions. I noticed an immediate and significant reduction in palpitations. Coupled with the magnesium taurate, I had a couple of weeks without palpitations. Even now that they are back, they are far less frequent and pronounced.

If you really want to take care of your nervous system, try Nerve Shield Plus. Nerve damage can cause all sorts of other conditions such as the loss of limbs! Take care of your nerves and your whole body will thank you!

(12) Acceptance – This perhaps is the most bitter pill to swallow. As M. Scott Peck says in the opening line to The Road Less Traveled: “Life is difficult. Once we…truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult.”

I’m not sure I agree with the last part of that statement, but I do agree that acceptance is vital in order to move forward with our lives when we are suffering from a chronic condition. It’s taken me forty years to fully realize (and accept) that MVPS is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, when the palpitations are especially bad, I cry. And get angry (at God, the universe, fate). But eventually the sun rises again and my battle-weary soul begins to heal and I remember all that I have accomplished in my life, despite the challenges I’ve faced. I am living proof that we can not only survive but thrive and accomplish great things if we are strong enough to pick ourselves up when we fall, dust ourselves off and come back stronger than before.

Bonus Round

Medication – Though this doesn’t exactly fall under the “natural” remedies category, I thought a discussion about medications was necessary.

Beta blockers and calcium channel blockers can be useful in controlling heart rhythm. I’ve been taking a beta blocker for a couple of years now and I really can’t say whether it’s helping or not. Since I began taking it, I haven’t noticed a reduction in my symptoms. In fact, recently I began decreasing the dosage to see if I notice any increase in activity. So far I have not.

Anti-anxiety medications can be also useful at times. It took me many years to really believe that I was not going to die from my heart palpitations. And still, when they get really bad, I wonder. Fear will always make your palpitations worse. Anxiety—that constant worry that they’re going to start—will almost certainly bring them on.

If you can learn to control your fear and/or anxiety, the severity of your palpitations will lessen. To this point, if the above techniques (meditation, yoga, bio or neuro feedback) do not help control the fear and anxiety, you may want to consider a medication you can take as needed (such as Xanax, valium, etc).

My hope in writing this three-part series about heart palpitations is that everyone who suffers from them will find something useful, something they haven’t tried, and as a result will find some relief.

So, what did you think? Do you suffer from heart palpitations? Were any of these suggestions helpful? Do you have any other suggestion that have helped you?

UP NEXT:

Join me next week for Breathing Space: 5 Ways to Find Quiet in a World That Never Sleeps 

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